Love on Friendships

Ateneo Insider | Senior High Students

Time is the train that brings us to the inevitable destination of maturation. Its essence is deeply rooted in healing the wounds of the past and transforming them into realizations for what has and is yet to come. In her ten years in Sacred Heart School - Ateneo de Cebu, Haydenn Laus of Grade 12 - Magis relays her insights and imparts valuable lessons regarding friendship and love.

1. What significant moment in your life changed your view on the importance of friendship?

The significant moments that have always stuck with me were when I would feel invalidated by those I thought I could depend on. It is moments like these where I realize you cannot depend on people for so long. People will not always live up to your standards, and that is okay because we are all still trying to figure things out in life. Making the grownup decision to grow apart made me understand myself more and know what I look for in a friend. If anything, it was significant to go through these realizations because it meant that I was growing as a person by piecing together what I wanted.

Another thing to realize is that your friends are your support systems, not your entire foundation. You need to be independent enough to support yourself because it wouldn’t be fair to place a heavy burden on them and expect them to be there 24/7.

Yet at the same time, it is all about finding those who reciprocate your energy. There are no specific standards when it comes to finding a good friend. What matters is who makes you feel comfortable enough to be yourself.

2. Do you believe love for friendship changes someone? Why or why not?

Yes, as a matter of fact, incorporating love into friendship will make it more meaningful. Love is a lot of things, but one thing for sure is it is supposed to be something nurturing. Friends should be there at your worst and celebrating with you at your best. Love will involve more honesty and openness, where you can speak your minds freely without judgment. Love in friendship will mean keeping them grounded by pointing out their wrongs and pushing them to do their best. All of these extra efforts mean embracing the friendship for all that it is. For me, I know when a friendship is genuine when I start treating them like family. It is about forming relationships that work, not effortlessly, but rather, ones that work in harmony where you are on the same page.

3. What lessons do you wish to impart to Ateneo Hearters on friendships?

We need to reinforce our value of community and be one for others. A mantra I stand to live by is “If you can be anything in this world, choose to do/be good.” We do not need to depend on the superficial factors in a friendship. We only need to be good to people and have a sense of humanity for those all around us, friends or strangers.

Another lesson that may seem controversial is to embrace the freedom of cutting people off. It is okay to be selfish when the situation seems fit. We should also embrace the value of cura personalis by paying attention to our own needs. It is not fair to have people leech off what you have to offer in the friendship without them being a friend to you in return. Why bother wasting your efforts on those who do not deserve it? I tell this to all my close friends, and I believe this advice can be applicable to all types of relationships: don’t waste energy on those who do not deserve it. It is up to you on how you decide who is worthy of your time or not. Regardless, you need to maintain a level of self-respect where you do not allow yourself to be treated unfairly. Preserve what you have to give and be patient when waiting for the right friend.

4. Define the love in friendships in 3 words.

Impactful, nurturing, and fulfilling.